Hello friends! I haven’t written on here in a while and I’m very excited to begin again. And to be honest, I have felt very little motivation or inspiration to write recently, which is very unlike me. So today, as I sat in one of my favorite coffee shops, a few thoughts came into my head and I decided to write them out. And I tend to write out my thoughts in order to understand what I’m feeling, better. And expressing these thoughts and feelings help to me process them. So here is some thoughts I wrote about passion and why recently I felt like I lost my own.
“I often wonder if it is possible to lose ones passion. Not forever, but for a time. That maybe we lose sight of it on a windy day and its carried far above us like a free spirited kite or an escaped balloon. Maybe we get so wrapped up in the wonder and beauty of our passions, that we refrain from being passionate at all. Only to be left in a stagnant state of absorption without action.
A stage so caught up in the beauty of our passion that we don’t realize our passion has run off, far into the forest of our thoughts. Vast, wandering thoughts.
And in this moment, is passion gone? Is it fleeing from us to find another lover? Have we pushed it away? Or is our love simply blowing on the winds of growth and change?
I, often, ask myself these questions and seldom seem to find an answer. I desperately search, but I will admit that as of late, I find very little motivation to seek my love that appears lost. So, I go back to the beginning, hoping the flooding of nostalgia and memories will guide me down the right path. I try to remember and I let the remembering overtake me, just for a moment.
The first time I encountered the Raven knocking. The first time I smiled while the Moonlight Sonata warmed my soul. The hour, minute, second I came across the mesmerizing life in Louis Jover’s art.
The Wardrobe. The Shire. The Circus that comes without warning. The two cities in my favorite tale. The song about my favorite city and how it is waiting for me. The play about the red-haired girl with grey-green eyes that made the man fill with music every time she smiled. The fools in love. The crazy who dream. The words that move me. The songs that make me cry and laugh at the same time. The moon and stars that embellish the darkest nights. The beautiful flash of light each time the sun and moon meet on the horizon. The subtle sound of the needle hitting the record. The sound of an anticipating audience coming to communal hush as lights begin to dim.
I am behind the curtain, holding my breath.
I pray a quick prayer for joy in art and worship through expressing it.
The overture begins.
The paintbrush meets canvass.
The binding of a book cracks open as dust is blown off.
The flight takes off.
The train engine starts.
The sun sets.
The first star of the night, twinkles.
Thoughts meet hand, hand meets pen, pen meets journal.
And suddenly the light, the hope hits me.
I am sure of everything. I doubt nothing. All the questioning escapes me, for this brief moment. I inhale and close my eyes. I see a ten-year old me dancing alone in the forest, red-hair flying in the breeze. I see her walking through the wardrobe, through starry night, meeting the Guitarist, having tea with Dickens, laughing in a sad play, and crying at the beautiful melody of Chopin. She is wild, she is bold, she is curious, and she is free. She is full of passion and fire.
And she is right in front of me. Still finding ways to shine through the cracks of my tired, older self.
I feel warmth against my skin, almost burning. My fingers tingle and energy seems to radiate from my pores and all around me. Eyes open and I see all the answers I thought didn’t exist. My passion extends and colors dance all around me.
I am living. In magic, music, beauty, wonder, and joy. I release a breath. I wave to the memories and hope that is divinely promised me. And in this moment, I remember where passion is and always will be. I let out a cry and a laugh and without looking back into the dark, stagnant confusion…I do what I must always strive to do:
Open my eyes to light in front of me and step into it without fear. And there is my dear old love, dancing with my younger self and beckoning me to follow. And I do, without any doubt.
So be bold and fearless my friends. I beg you with all of my soul, be passionate and continue to seek what makes you passionate. For a life without passion, is a life no person should live.”
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope they can encourage you as much as you do for me.
Stay passionate and Cherish you passion.