And that was that…

Today was a very bittersweet day for me and my family. Moving from the house you’ve lived in for sixteen years is never an easy thing. And as sad and hard as it is, I took this task of finding the happy and I will do my best to continue to find it. This week my happiness was the beautiful memories I had living in my home. Many were spent in trees around my house or in my closet when I felt like hiding was the best thing to do. And sixteen years later I still seemed to believe that logic.  Unfortunately, hiding from problems  never solves them; it only numbs them for a time.

I cherish my memories very much, sometimes I feel like they’re all I have when life seems out of control. So to  leave the place with all my memories was very difficult…but like I say quite a lot: the cool thing about moments is, that when one passes, another one begins. So as hard as this moment is, I embrace it and remember the good ones. And to help myself, I captured a few places around my house. Bear in mind I’m not a photographer, but I enjoyed capturing these moments.

                              

 I encourage you friends, capture and embrace every moment. And make as many memories as you can. Because life truly is beautiful.

Here’s to a new adventure, here’s to optimism, here’s to every beautiful moment, and to all the future memories. Here’s to Happy!

So in conclusion, I chose to quote the ending monologue from my favorite musical:

“And that was that. Is this the end or the beginning…this is my rage. This is my love. This is my town. And this is my city. This is my life.”

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Week #3: A Manhattan Moment

Hello all,

So here’s week three. This week was full of happy moments but I will admit sitting down to write about them today was particularly hard. Just as I assumed, this challenge won’t completely fix the fact that at times I feel sad and don’t know why, but it can’t make it worse. So regardless of my odd emotions today and that sometimes I feel ‘not here’.., I will share the happy moments.

The first happy moment I experienced this week was going down to Long Island with my mom and seeing Mamma Mia in New York. I know that this isn’t the most moving show and that no one really goes to see it for the story…it’s simply a fun show especially if you love ABBA like my mom and I do. And it was so much fun, its was the most and longest I’ve smiled in a while. I also got to see my Uncle that night who is recovering from his previous stroke exceptionally well. He wasn’t supposed to be able to walk much and he’s moving all the time and even playing guitar. I don’t think he knows how inspirational that is for his nieces, nephews and other family members to see. He’s kind of like superman to me, and that makes me very happy.

The second happy moment was that I got a chance to spend the day with one of my favorite people, Nick Gallozzi. We went to this super cool coffee shop (I believe it was called Grey Dog, but I may be wrong) in Chelsea, where, as usual, we talked about plays and what we don’t like and what we do like. After that we went to this thing called Escape The room NYC. Basically you’re locked in this room for an hour and have to figure out clues to find the key to get out. It was surprisingly really fun and even though we didn’t get out, the hour didn’t even seem that long. We also had a group of other people who were really smart and we ended up finding the last clue which was a box that held the key; We would’ve won if we could get the right 4-digit combination to open that box, but w sadly we did not. Still, it was super fun. After that we went to a very ‘informative’ museum and I left feeling very cultured. Also there was a cool little coffee shop/lounge thing downstairs completely hidden and nothing to do with the upstairs. All in all, I had a great two days walking around my favorite place with my favorite people.

The third thing that made me happy was that I spontaneously chopped my hair off this week and it was one of the best decisions I have made. I’m in love with the cut and that I can finally have the messy, choppy bob I’ve always wanted.

The last and final thing that made me happy this week, was I read a new book. One that I have always wanted to but never got around to reading. It was also the first book I’ve read in a long time that wasn’t a play, short story or textbook. SO I am not ashamed to say that I started Perks of Being a Wallflower Thursday morning and finished it that night. I forgot how refreshing a good book is. I am also not ashamed to say that I was weeping almost the entire time. I know I’m a little behind on the fad of this story but I still love it regardless. I’ve heard the line ‘In that moment, I swear we were infinite,’ a million times. But there was something about reading in the context of the book that broke me down to a million emotional pieces.

And it got me thinking about the times I have truly felt that. Like the nerd I am, I looked up the definition. Infinite means limitless or endless in space, extent or size; impossible to measure or calculate. And the synonyms are boundless, unlimited, limitless, never-ending. I will be honest that most times I have felt that way were only temporary, looking back on them now. Which makes me to believe maybe they weren’t really as infinite as I thought they were. In the moment I felt boundless, now I look at it and feel like it meant absolutely nothing. Time will do that to you I suppose. People change, friends fail you and happiness isn’t always easy to find. But the other cool thing about time is that when moments pass, another one immediately begins. And we never know when we’ll experience the good ones of bad ones. The happy or sad. Or if this will be the time we feel infinite. There’s a lot of things we don’t know, but I know one thing: There is always for this moment.

The featured image I chose for this post is by my favorite artist, Loui Jover. This piece is called, A Manhattan Moment. He was asked in an interview once to sum up what his art means, his response was:

“Art tempers my spirit, it gives me direction. Without art I would most likely be a psychopath. On can spend a lifetime looking at the world but seldom do they “see” anything. My art helps me to “see” life around me…”

I don’t want to go through life and miss the beautiful moments, not because they weren’t there, but because I wasn’t looking for them. I’m trying with all my heart to “see” all the beauty this world has. All moments and aspects of life have the potential to be beautiful if we stay open and hopeful towards them. They are not going to always be happy and neither will I, but I will try despite my thoughts to “see” the beauty and make them all as happy and beautiful as I can. I guess that makes it five happy moments then.

So this week my happy thoughts were:

1. Mamma Mia with my mom.

2. Spending a day with Nick.

3. Spontaneous hair decisions.

4. Reading Perks of Being A Wallflower

5. Realizing every moment has the potential to be beautiful and make me fell infinite.

So here’s to good music, awesome friends and family, here’s to crying at the beauty of a new book, here’s to “seeing” life, the power of words, all the Happy and here’s to the hope of forever feeling infinite.

Fellow Adventurers,

Here’s to this beautiful moment.

#52WeeksOfHappy: Week #2

Hi all!

So here’s week #2 of my journey to happiness. After I posted my first post, I was so excited for the next one that I was counting down the days till Sunday. This idea is already giving me a more positive look on life and appreciation for it. There are so many things that make me happy but this week I’m focusing on two specific ones.

The first one is my older brother Brandon. He spent a week in Tennessee for an internship he was doing and in the middle of the week he emailed me a beautiful thought and reflection. The email said this:

Random Thoughts From Church on Sunday
“Your love never fails

it never gives up
it never runs out me”

So I was singing this Sunday morning in church and the words are amazing. “never fails”, “never runs out (or away)”. The thing that stood out that I’ve never really caught was  the 2nd line.
“it never gives up”
I was just thinking about giving up and how easy it is for us as humans. Down by 20 at half and just saying well I hope we don’t get embarrassed. Things like that are so easy for us to throw in the towel and just give up.

BUT God says he will never give up. He has not, isn’t giving up, and won’t ever give up. This thought is absolutely unfathomable to me. I can  mess up a 1000 times and he won’t give up or stop chasing after me. God  is ALMIGHTY, ALL-POWERFUL, ALL-KNOWING, PERFECT, AND INDESCRIBABLE. He cannot be stopped and can stop anything. He knows what struggles I’m having before they can come on my radar. The fact that He out of anyone in the universe never ever in all eternity gives up is just a thought that is unbelievable to me. There is absolutely no way as a human I can even comprehend this reality. How can the God who created all of the universe care that much for me that He will pursue me and NEVER GIVE UP!! My mind immediately thinks in sports examples so I think about a race between two people. God will never stop running in relentless pursuit of me. No matter obstacles, distance, or opponents there is nothing that can stop Him. The thought of giving up is so easy and a natural thought for me when something gets hard. I can really make it hard I’m sure for God to keep chasing or searching me. His pursuit of me never ends, How is that even possible?? The only answer is that He is so great and awesome (which is a word that  is overused. The word actually means “inspiring great admiration”) that  He does things that we don’t understand because His love for us is PERFECT. We cannot understand these attributes because we have imperfect  human minds.

I am so thankful to be loved by such a great God. He WILL NOT ever give up on me. No matter the mess ups, no matter the mistakes, no matter the bad choices HE WILL NOT STOP PURSUING, CHASING, GIVE UP on me or anyone else.

-Brandon
For those of you who don’t know my brother he is a very talented athlete and just as competitive. As much as we annoy each other sometimes, he is someone I look up to and love very much. He also, no offense, is not a writer, so when I got this I was happily surprised to know he wrote something and shared it with me. And with his permission, I am glad to share it with you. And now this is the perfect segue to my next point of Happy:
God’s love.
A few days ago I couldn’t sleep and was just thinking and I came across the thought that God loves us so much. And that even though he knew who was going to follow him and who wouldn’t (Him being omniscient and all) He still died for every human being who will ever live. And despite our mistakes and flaws, wants to love us and wants us to be happy. These are facts and beliefs we, as Christians know, but sometimes I’m awestruck of how we will never come close to comprehending that. Like my brother said in his email about the song, His love will NEVER fail or give up on us. Even when we so easily give up on ourselves. God is amazing and that makes life pretty cool.
So these were the two points of Happy I wanted to focus on this week. Of course there are so many things that make me happy; music, awesome and crazy friendships (You know who you are) and the fact that in 2 days I will be in Long Island and seeing Mamma Mia (I know its a terrible show but the music is amazing and fun!) and some other great friends.
But for week #2, my Happy posts are:
1.) My awesome older brother
2.) God’s unconditional love
So 2 down, 48 more to go. Here’s to older brothers, an awesome God, crazy friends, fun trips, inspiring adventures and each beautiful moment.
Fellow Adventurers,
Here’s to Happy!

52 Weeks of Happy

“The best thing ever, I think, is to be completely wild. I don’t mean a trouble-maker, a bad-decision maker, by wild, I mean uncontrollable by others and still self-controlled. To be untamed by others opinions. To never be pinned down to one location or one way of life, but wild enough to chose your own.” -Lily Sven

As summer of 2K15 is kicking into gear, I’m already planning out next school year and scheduling; which always stresses me out and makes me anxious. So as I was thinking of next school year, I wondered why I wasn’t thinking about right now. This day, not one weeks in the future. Why am I not enjoying my last few months in upstate New York? Why am I not enjoying the sunshine and the beautiful scenery right outside my window?

And my answer to that is simply: Because I chose not to.

I was choosing to wallow in my own self pity and complain about what I couldn’t do, as opposed to realizing what I can.

I have the free time of the summer to write and read and create beautiful art and go on adventures. I have the right to be and feel happy. And so I decided, ‘Darn it Kim! You’re going to be Happy!’

So this is my new project. I am hereby creating my own personal challenge and invite anyone else who wants to join. Beginning with this first post, today I am starting…

52 Weeks of Happy.

For the next year, once a week, I am going to step back and look at the big picture. I’m going to stop complaining and feeling bad for myself and I will think of the positive. Think of the happy. Once a week, in this blog, I will reflect on what made me happy and brought a smile to my face or laughter to my lips. I will seek out adventures and strive to be a more joyous and happier individual inside and out. I will let life be beautiful and find the silver lining in all I can. Anyone who wants to join, can do a blog or facebook post or instagram…whatever you like.

I’m not expecting this to change my whole outlook on life, but I want to see if some of the stress and sadness I experience is self-caused and has the possibility to be avoided. Even if it doesn’t help, focusing on the happy times can’t make it worse.

My mindset for this for this project is John 16:22, “…no one will take away your joy.” And no one will.

So, fellow adventurers:

Here’s to this moment and all the moments to come; Here’s to optimism. Here’s to being wild and crazy! Here’s to magic and adventures!

Here’s to 52 Weeks of Happy!

12 short films by female filmmakers, played at TEDWomen 2015

Love these!

TED Blog

Anyssa Samari finds the interstitials for TED Conferences — the short videos that run between speakers as palate-cleansers.

“It’s like a Rubik’s Cube,” she says. “There are a lot of constraints—the videos can’t be too long, they need to tell a narrative, they need to be beautiful and they need to fit the theme of the session. Sometimes, it’s giving the audience the space to breathe when they’ve just heard something hard. Other times, it’s giving a punch of energy to the session.”

For TEDWomen, another constraint was added to this list — each interstitial should be directed, produced, written by or prominently feature a woman. “I was super excited when I heard that,” says Samari. But it was a challenge: “The film world can seem very dominated by men.”

Samari researched female filmmakers and watched hundreds of videos before she presented her picks to the TEDWomen curators. Watch these 12 shorts shown during TEDWomen 2015.

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The…

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Rain’s Storm

Once upon a time there was a world only black and white.

There also was a girl named Rain.

Rain had a difference, she felt too much.

She felt plain in white and hidden in darkness when she wore black. But her mother and the world she lived in assured her that black and white was all there was. So she remained unsatisfied in a world of preconceived notions.

And for some strange reason she never saw things as they were informed to be. She saw things as they are. And for fear of balancing the hue of society she kept this difference inside. Along with all her other questions. Everyday she would wake up and see a white backdrop with black accents. And plain people with dark characteristics. She would try to shine light on the dark but it only consumed her. She was overwhelmed by day and unconsciously awake by night.

When she would come downstairs in the morning for breakfast her mother would ask,“Why do you look as if the sun didn’t come up, dear?”

“Because that’s how I feel.” She said solemnly to herself; As usually no one heard.

The sun is a misunderstood form of beauty, everyone looks at it from afar and basks in its rays, but to Rain the sun is nothing more than a distant form of horror. Rain looks at the sun how it is. As a burning ball of fire in space. Beautiful from her view but deathly if she were to see it up close. That didn’t make it ugly to her, just gave her a reason to fancy the moon.

Rain would stay up all night sometimes. Her thoughts dripping with curiosity. She would stare at the moon for hours. Her mother would walk by and ask why she was still up and she would always respond with how she couldn’t sleep. When really the proper verb usage was not “couldn’t” but rather “wouldn’t.” Although “wouldn’t” was best fitting in the current context.

“Mother,” Rain asked. “Why is day light and night dark?”

Her mother stopped and looked at her, head cocked.

“Well, because the sun is out at day and shines light in everything. And because at night the sun goes down.”

“But when the sun goes down the moon goes up? And the stars come out? They are bright too.”

Rain starred as her mother looked for an answer.

“Well, the sun is just brighter than the moon, darling.”

“But that still doesn’t explain the stars? There are many more of them and even though the sun is bright wouldn’t the moon appear brighter compared to the darkness?” Rain asked.

“Honey, I don’t know. That’s just how it is.”

“But why?” Rain spoke as if a mist was flowing from her soul.

“Because.” Her mother said impatiently.

“But there must be reason. Otherwise how do we even know it exists?—“

“Stop.” Her mother interrupted. “There doesn’t have to be a reason other than that’s just the way it is. No one else questions the moon or sun or day or night. Its just the way it is.”

Rain felt as if a cloud of feelings was welling up inside of her and would explode in any way possible at any given moment.

“But why is it just ‘the way it is?’ Because you and everyone else says it is? Why is there just light and darkness? What if there’s a place where there is not light. Or a place where there is no darkness. What if there’s a place with no sun. What if there’s a place with no light but the moon and stars. A place where you can’t see anything except that which shines brightest in the shadows. Where there’s no focus on the brightness of everyone but the light thats allows them to be seen in the dark. What if something like that exists?”

Her mother starred as if she’d just seen a ghost or remembered a lost memory that was simply lurking in the shadows of her thoughts. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.

“A place like that doesn’t exist, dear. Its just a false thought. And even if it did I wouldn’t want to find it. The night is full of fear and I don’t want you staying awake very late.”

“I think it does. And I think it would be beautiful.” She looked outside as the feelings precipitated inside of her. “I’m going to find it. Someday. And I’ll know when I do. Because all these feelings feel and differences I have will finally make sense.”

Her mother sighed. “That’s a very nice thought, but I promise it doesn’t exist. And it and this is not beautiful. Its wrong. This is all there is. We are all that’s here. There is night and day and dark and light. Those things we know and that’s all we need to know.”

Rain let out a small mist of breath, “I refuse to believe that.”

Her mother kissed her on the forehead, lightly smiled at her and walked down the hall.

Rain looked out the window as the sadness and fury and wonder continue to sweep up inside her. It swirled her thoughts around and her heart thundered uncontrollably. Something was building in side of her. All of her curiosities and differences had been bottled up for too long. They couldn’t stay in the fog forever. She tried to hold her breath but when she looked up and saw the moon and stars she felt this overwhelming sense of peace. As if they sang a twinkling melody at her that said:

No one wants us either. But we are what make the night beautiful.

With a saddening crack of laughter Rain let the storm inside her soul come out. The feeling was like none she ever felt. It was sad but happy; dark but light. It was one might call…melancholy. She felt an exertion of moisture fall from her eye then slide slowly down her cheek. Once it hit her chin it formed a droplet and finally soared down. It hit her leg and the strangest thing happen. The black and white of her clothing started to forged together to create a light yet dark mixture. And even though she had no idea what this hue was, it was the exact look that she felt inside for so long. The first of Rain’s storm. This is the place she wanted to find; The place where dark meets light.

There was once world of black and white.

There was also a girl named Rain.

She lived somewhere in the middle.